2011: 2boxes x …

2011: 2boxes x 100pcs x 2ply.

how many pieces will I spend this year?

In my own eyes, today is winter.

4:19am

I’m still awake. My minds are full.

About two hours ago, I was having my so called “quiet time”, although these days those are barely quiet time at all. The words are merely collections of sentences, meaningless. Today’s topic is about the uniqueness of every human being, each like God’s own signature on this earth. Just when I finished reading the passage, I thought of birthdays. I remembered that yesterday was one of my old friend’s birthday. And I began to think of some people whom I know, tried to remember when their birthdays are. Until I think about my own…and I stopped and sighed.

I don’t like birthday.

Celebrating one lately becomes a torture to me. Although all my wishes for them are real…real true, I feel so damn fake every time I greet someone happy birthday, feel hesitate to write on their walls every time I see their birthday’s notifications. Not because I’m not happy for them. Neither because I don’t like being in a crowd that I don’t like bday party. But those days are like a bucket of ice water being splashed on you on winter’s night. Cold, and hurt. I can tell no one, yet I have to smile.

I realized that having to go through that one day that way was a product of my own choice. In this life nowadays with all those technologies, who would remember one’s birthday? Cut all those info where people can help others remember your day by publishing their wishes to u, then tell me if they will still remember.

I resent no one for it to happen in my life. But I had never known it bore such a huge hole in my heart, and that I forced myself not to ever think or feel that pain every time I encounter those days. Ever since that day, I stopped seeing birthday as a special day. Unconsciously, I stopped seeing each person as a unique design. His design.

Nope, you don’t need to tell me. I know I have to let go this pain – and other pains as well. I KNOW!

Gosh, why is it so difficult to live a decent life? I wished nothing fancy, just a mere decent life to live. But even a birthday I couldn’t go through peacefully. I thought I still have the other 364 days, forgetting one wouldn’t do any harm. But you know what? Even until now, how I felt on that day is still crystal clear to me. It was the loneliest day of the year.

Count how many friends I have, that’s how many times I have to feel it. Suddenly it feels good to know one person only have one birthday.

But on those lonely days, where are You, God?

Time may take us away
Space may keep us apart
Hurts may break us down
yet, no matter where life leads us…

I’ll always be here and I’ll never stop caring.

-Anonymous

Exam dinner with AKTBs =)

Background story: Anne suddenly requested Macaroni Schotel for our dinner together during exam period. And I was once late in one of our KTB session, at that time I wanted to treat them dinner to pay for my mistake, but they prefer me to make them dessert instead. So here we are on Friday evening, having an utterly sinful feast. Cholesterol or diabetic, please choose yourself. =P

P.S. This is a much better looking one…baked with oven! (THANKS to Ci Mel who gave me that oven!! =D). We finished three quarter of it within less than 2 hr…@.@

This one tastes more like pineapple yogurt but the texture is solid. To me, it’s a bit too sweet, but they both like it, so…I think that’s good enough =) And btw, it’s super easy to make!!!

Recipe:
7 gram gelatin
1/4 cup cold water
1 can (14 ounces) nestle sweetened condensed milk (I used any kind of condensed milk)
1 can pineapple chunks in juice
1 cup plain yogurt

Now, let’s make it in max 15 minutes! Ready?
1. Sprinkle gelatin over water in small microwave safe bowl, microwave 30s or until dissolve.
2. Place condensed milk, pineapple (+juice), yogurt and gelatin mixture in blender, blend until smooth
3. Pour into cups 2/3 full
4. Refrigerate 3hr to overnight
5. DONE!

Tips:
- I feel that this dessert is too sweet, so if you don’t like it too sweet as well, don’t add the pineapple juice (change with water/yogurt instead).
- If you don’t have any blender, you can use food processor (like what I did). So I only crushed the pineapple chunks with food processor and after that mix the ingredients together with spatula. Tips from the gelatin paper cover: if you’re making cold dessert, ALWAYS pour other ingredients to dissolved gelatin. Never pour gelatin to the mixture.
- If you want to take the dessert out of the cup (e.g. turn it over to a dessert plate for garnishing), use 6 ounces custard cup instead but you need to spray the cups with non-stick cooking spray before pouring. When the mixture is fully settled, run a small spatula around edges of the cups and gently shake to loosen.

Enjoy!

Human’s life these days…

true, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MSE 20th Anniversary Dinner

For the third time now I’ve been performing for the school.

Akhirnya investasi nyokap “maksa” blajar piano >10 taon (+kena omel tiap hari kl ga latihan) terpakai jg...hehe…thanks, Mom! =D =D =D –> you see? sometimes you need to go through hell before succeeding, and sometimes we can’t see why we have to / forced to do things we don’t like…until we find out one day that everything is for our own good. =)

The first time I played was during MSE day last year, I played Beethoven’s Spring Sonata Op. 24 with Nico as the violinist.  Then came the second time I was asked to play a song in a Joint Symposium, I played Chopin’s Fantaisie Impromptu Op. 66. It was fun to finally perform that song which I always love since I was 15. =) =)

2 days ago (Oct 14th), MSE held an anniversary dinner at Intercontinental Hotel, Bugis. One of MSE staff approached me and some of my friends to perform in that event. I was asked to play You Raise Me Up together with my friend – she sing and I play the piano. Nothing extraordinary, really, and I don’t think that my playing was even good, it was so-so to me as I think I don’t have enough skills to play pop songs. But what I actually wanted to share in this post is this:

My prof knew one day before that I will be performing in that event. We were on our way back to NTU after meeting in SGH when she asked if I will come to that event (and she asked if I will be performing – though I don’t know how did she know if I can perform anything…she wasn’t there during the first two performances I had). I actually didn’t want to tell her anything about my performance either – didn’t expect her to come as well since she’s going to US the next day after the event, early morning. But since she asked, I had no choice but to tell her. So that’s how she know I would be performing.

On the D-day, we (me n my prof) weren’t sitting around the same table (we were assigned to certain table by the organizer), so I couldn’t even communicate with her at all. When it was the time for me to play the piano, I walked to the piano and started playing. Not long after I started, I can sensed some of the photographers went to my side to take photos…well, that’s normal for an event, no? But one thing is not normal, I suddenly heard someone called my name, the voice is so familiar to me. So in the middle of my playing I turn my head to the voice, and I saw my prof standing there taking photos of me…wow. @.@

I smiled to her – and partly lost my concentration in my playing afterwards (thankfully I didn’t make mistakes at that moment…fiuh~). At that moment my feeling was completely changed. I was deeply touched that she would personally stand there taking pictures for me. She’s my boss, whom I have never expected to appreciate her student this much. I thought she would just sit on her seat – which by the way is quite far from where the piano is – as I guess that’s what most professors would do on such big event. The chair, the ex-chair who’s now a provost of NTU was there. All the big people who give contributions to our school were there. So for her to go to her student taking photo of my performance was extraordinary to me. I was deeply deeply touched. I love my Prof…

This photo below was taken by her. She sent it to me the day after. Btw the room was actually almost completely dark when I played the song. The flash made it look sooo bright there. ^^; This isn’t my best shot, haha, but it’s so precious because of the photographer. =) =)

Well, I too realize that people might (will) change. A few years ahead, she might not be as nice, as friendly, as helpful as she is now. Afterall, although she’s smart, tall, has a gorgeous look, and super-friendly…nobody’s perfect. (She’ll be a perfect role model if she’s a Christian though…sadly she’s not a Christian…yet). Anyway, I’m gonna treasure each moment I have with her…and be thankful for that.

My PhD life is not always good – most of the time it’s wearisome…but again and again, I see God’s “bread crumbs of grace” along the way in this journey. =)

I’ve learned

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don’t care back. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. I’ve learned that it’s not what you have in your live, but who you have in your life that counts. I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes, after that, you’d better know something.

I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to people, it’s what they do about it. I’ve learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I’ve learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you’ll see them. I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I’ve learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I’ve learned that there are people, who love you dearly, but just don’t know how to show it. I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel. I’ve learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance same goes for true love.

I’ve learned that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I’ve learned that it isn’t always enough to be forgive by others, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief. I’ve learned that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’tlove each other and just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I’ve learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I’ve learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I’ve learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life. I’ve learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I’ve learned that writing, As well as talking, Can ease emotional pains. I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I’ve learned that it’s hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people’s feelings and standing up for what you believe. I’ve learned to love and be loved. I’ve learned.

Omer Washington

Tiap langkahku

Remember this song?

Tiap langkahku diatur oleh Tuhan
Dan tangan kasihNya memimpinku
Di tengah gelombang dunia menakutkan
Hatiku tetap tenang teduh

Reff:
Tiap langkahku ku tau Tuhan yang pimpin
Ke tempat tinggi kudihantarNya
Hingga sekali nanti aku tiba
Di rumah Bapa surga yang baka

Di waktu imanku mulai lemah
Dan bila jalanku hampir sesat
Kupandang Juru Slamatku yang Esa
Aku kuat sebab Tuhan dekat—Reff

Di dalam Tuhan saja harapanku
Sebab di tanganNya sejahtera
DipegangNya kunci kota Allahku
Negri perjanjian mulia—Ref

I know not about the future.
I barely understand what I’m going through.
But that matters not.
For in every step I take, I know, God…
That You are there…

To a friend out there

Hi there…I’ve no idea if you’ll ever hear this song or even see this post…but I really hope you’ll get back again, stand up, and become stronger than before…

Everything is gonna be alright…I’m here…and your friends are here, if you need us.

I turn to You

Heard this song on my way back home…and I think of Him. Thanks, Lord.

When I’m lost in the rain
In Your eyes I know I’ll find the light to light my way
When I’m scared losing ground
When my world is going crazy You can turn it all around
And when I’m down You’re there pushing me to the top
You’re always there giving me all You’ve got

For a Shield from the storm, for a Friend,
For a love to keep me safe and warm, I turn to You
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on
For everything You do, for everything that’s true, I turn to You

When I lose the will to win
I just reach for You and I can reach the sky again
I can do anything ’cause Your love is so amazing
‘Cause Your love inspires me
And when I need a Friend You’re always on my side
Giving me faith taking me through the night

For a Shield from the storm, for a Friend,
For a love to keep me safe and warm, I turn to You
For the strength to be strong and for the will to carry on
For everything You do I turn to you

For the Arms to be my shelter through all the rain
For Truth that will never change for Someone to lean on
But for a heart I can rely on through anything
For the One who I can run to, I turn to You

For a Shield from the storm, for a Friend,
For a love to keep me safe and warm, I turn to You
For the strength to be strong, for the will to carry on
For everything You do, for everything that’s true
For everything You do, for everything that’s true 
I turn to You

I Turn to You – Christina Aguilera